14 Useful Techniques To Control Your Child's Anger
Anger is a notably contagious emotion that can quickly trigger the need for a reciprocal reaction. Many of us struggle to respond in the way we believe we should when we witness anger in a child because we were not taught how to handle it well when we were young. Although it might be feasible, maintaining our composure and discernment is nearly often exhausting, upsetting, and perplexing.
Dealing with a child's anger often causes internal turmoil because most of us were raised to think that having anger was "bad" and that we should be ashamed of ourselves if we show it. Deconstructing this idea makes it much simpler to deal with children's anger; the focus is now on accepting angry feelings and learning how to use them for positive purposes, rather than on suppressing or eliminating them. This method frequently proves to be stimulating, even inspiring, for both the child and the caregiver, far from being taxing.
those feelings, try not to get too worked up about them (because outbursts aren't always—in fact, they're not often—signs of some serious underlying issue), and then start helping the child learn appropriate outlets for their emotions.
It's critical to identify the cause of a child's outburst in order to support them in managing it. Anger is frequently a frustrated response to feelings of failure, low self-esteem, worry, helplessness (defiant rages are typically a reaction to feelings of dependency), and loneliness. Anger tends to build up as a protective response to emotions such as fear and sorrow. It's also critical to keep in mind that youngsters are generally more prone to anger since they are less able than adults to recognize and express melancholy.
Prior to dealing with a hostile or furious outburst:
– Differentiate between hostility and fury. The true malevolent intent that would lead someone to intentionally hurt someone or destroy property is rare in cases of anger; instead, it is typically the result of a child's overwhelming exasperation.
– Recall not to view terms like "aggression" and "rage" as negative. It's crucial to avoid stigmatizing feelings of anger and violence as being inherently suggestive of emotional issues because they can be completely acceptable emotions.
– Remember to approach irate children as people in need of protection rather than as objects to be punished, and make an effort to connect with them on an emotional level before taking drastic measures. Allow the youngster to discover a more effective means of communicating their emotions by offering options for approaches that they can comprehend.
Techniques for Helping Kids Control Their Anger
The following techniques offer valuable insights on preventing and handling children's outbursts, and are based on suggestions found in Fritz Redl and David Wineman's book The Aggressive Child:
1. Children must completely comprehend what they are doing properly, not only what they are doing badly, in order to distinguish between good and poor behaviors—and choose which are ultimately more rewarding. Therefore, it's critical to actively catch a child in the act of doing good and to let them know what behaviors you find pleasing. It is important to recognize and commend small gestures, such as a youngster putting up their coat on their own initiative or helping to prepare the table when asked.
Because the human mind is geared for validation, it is quite beneficial to provide it for positive behaviors instead of bad ones. This will ensure that a youngster seeks attention in appropriate ways instead of expressing frustration through outbursts. Similarly, it's important to deliberately refrain from endorsing improper behavior; instead, choose to overlook it in a deliberate and methodical manner if it can be put up with. This does not imply that you should overlook the youngster, but rather that you should refrain from rewarding the behavior once you have first said that it is inappropriate.
2. Set an exemplary example. Since children pick up much of their knowledge from the adults in their environment, modeling appropriate behavior is a great approach to teach kids what's appropriate and what isn't. Because it doesn't intensify outbursts, it's also a great approach to handle them.
3. Make certain kids have lots of physical activities to engage in. Children are incredibly spirited, and that spiritedness can easily explode into rage and frustration. Give them lots of chances to walk around and get some exercise, and make sure the school offers similar possibilities.
4. Create an environment that discourages violent behavior; if some activities seem to be the catalyst, offer satisfying alternatives. Avoid enforcing too many restrictive regulations and provide a tranquil environment for the child.
5. Attempt to use touch to diffuse tantrums. While touch can be soothing to kids, it's not always the case (for example, if your child is extremely sensitive; always prioritize your child's needs). Start by getting closer to your child and showing a calm interest in what they are doing, then observe how the child reacts. Asking a child to show you the object instead of using it destructively is especially useful when they are going to use a toy or other item. When a child is stuck or frustrated with a task, asking them to calmly point out the specific areas of the task or material they are having trouble with will often diffuse the child's anger (since it takes away the child's sense of powerlessness and minimizes the issue).
6. Try giving the child an impulsive hug or other act of affection if you know they are comfortable being touched, and see if that calms them down when they are upset.
7. Make lighthearted remarks. When dealing with a stressed youngster, humor is less commonly used than it is with adults, who frequently utilize it to lighten tense circumstances amongst one another. It's unfortunate since kids usually react well to this kind of behavior since it gives them an opportunity to "save face" by laughing off their meltdown. (Note that sarcasm is best avoided and that you should never tease a child.)
8. Make an effort to win over the child's empathy by describing how the outburst is impacting you. For example, you could gently inform the youngster that while you normally don't mind their making noise, you're having a headache that day, so please find something else to amuse yourself with.
9. After determining what caused the outburst, try to explain it to the youngster so they may see why they became so irrationally frustrated. It is simpler to respond to a child's outburst in a focused and appropriate manner once they comprehend the reason behind it. Expand on this by offering the young person ideas for more constructive methods to let out their rage.
10. When necessary, use bodily restraint, but do so without passing judgment. Sometimes kids lose control to the point where they require a gentle adult intervention to restore it. The youngster need not suffer through this in a cruel or humiliating way; in fact, it might even help them "save face" in the circumstance. As you assist children in refraining from doing something they must not do, try to make sure they understand that being detained and removed from a scene does not equate to punishment.
11. Provide children with a strong basis for positive energy channeling by making them feel capable and respected, recognizing their abilities, and giving them objectives to strive towards. Instruct kids to anticipate happy experiences in the future and stress that these will occur more frequently if they behave well.
12. Establish boundaries and limits that are unambiguous and regularly enforced. This promotes emotions of safety and security in the child by creating a clear structure in their surroundings and aids in the limitation of undesirable behaviors.
13. Keep in mind that the purpose of punishment is to both teach the child and diffuse stressful situations. They ought not to be utilized in an antagonistic or physically demanding manner.
14. Help kids express their anger by encouraging them to say things such, "I don't feel like sharing it right now," or "I don't like you taking that toy away."
Comprehending Efficient Discipline
For discipline to be effective, it needs to establish a setting that is clear-cut, calm but stern, and that fosters conscientiousness by utilizing logic as a guide. Harsh or inappropriate discipline, which targets the person rather than the behavior, is rarely successful since it is impossible to educate a child that a behavior is bad by having them engage in that behavior. Above all, it is necessary to demonstrate the distinction between good and wrong.
Those enforcing discipline on children must treat them with respect since the process teaches them to respect themselves. Children can only learn to properly respect others if they first learn to respect themselves.
Never forget to treat them like respectable, unique human beings with needs, feelings, and worthwhile opinions. We have to start by believing the best in others in order to get the best out of them.
