How to Help Your Talented Child Achieve Success
Raising a gifted child requires careful balancing: You naturally want to see your child reach her full potential because you know she has amazing potential. However, you are also surely aware that brilliant kids have a high threshold for criticism and are quite sensitive. This means that if parental excitement and instruction are given to them too firmly, it could easily feel like crushing pressure.
It can be difficult, but ultimately vital, to find the ideal balance between authoritarianism and neglect if you are a parent of a bright child. Youngsters who experience being "pushed" typically do not develop as well as those who have a strong sense of their own agency. A great deal of pressure can cause anxiety, despair, or rebellion in addition to apathy in the classroom, especially in brilliant kids who often have a strong fear of failing. On the other hand, excessively lax parenting deprives kids of a feeling of purpose. It can even give the impression that you don't give a damn about your child's accomplishments. Recall that even though your talented child exhibits independence, she still requires your guidance and support.
How can a parent of a brilliant child tell if they are being too "hands off" or destructively forceful with their child? When is it OK to intervene on behalf of a child who isn't making an effort and give rewards or discipline, and when is it likely to backfire? Answering these questions, of course, requires knowing your particular child. But there are a few strategies you may use to assist you distinguish between the two situations:
1. Pick your conflicts carefully
Not every work has the same urgency or significance. It is pointless and oppressive to pressure your child to finish all of her schoolwork, even when she is actually exhausted or under stress (especially if her grades are good overall). On the other hand, it is perfectly OK to encourage her to put in more effort or accept tutoring if she is falling behind in a class.
It is necessary to always consider the importance of the current task before taking action, such as offering incentives or introducing consequences. You should also take your child's age, temperament, and circumstances into account. For example, a teenager should normally be in charge of her own schoolwork, whereas a six-year-old shouldn't. If your child is experiencing emotional or social problems (which brilliant kids are more likely to experience), it's usually a good idea to take a step back and give her some space to "breathe," as long as it's reasonable.
2. Consider how your participation will impact the circumstances
Your child is most likely having difficulties if she isn't performing as well as she could in a certain area. The cause could be procrastination, nervousness, insecurity, or simply a problem determining how much work is necessary to complete a task successfully. Whatever the problem, your role should be to assist rather than to pass judgment. In addition to helping with goal-setting and setting boundaries, you should always be open to hearing your child out. It's important to keep in mind that motivation (and achievement) require collaboration: You can encourage your child to pursue her interests and abilities, but you cannot physically push them.
If you find that your strategy isn't working, you should also be prepared to start over and go back to the drawing board. Don't persist in your stubbornness in an attempt to prove that you are correct or that you are in charge. If your child appears to be having a lot of trouble finishing a chore, there's generally a good reason for it, and you should be aware of it. Other warning indicators include your child becoming wholly dependent on you or, on the other hand, absolutely putting up a fight and not cooperating at all. If these things happen, you should take a step back, find out how and why your child is feeling, and work with them to come up with a better solution.
3. Consider the long term
Since children are not skilled at long-term, "big picture" thinking, you will need to provide this kind of perspective and insight. As you assist your child in setting and achieving goals, you must maintain a distinct hierarchy of needs. Of course, your child's emotional well-being and your relationship with them should take precedence over their academic success. Don't let your brilliant child's confidence, sense of security, or faith in you suffer because of too high expectations. Tell her that as long as she keeps trying, it's acceptable to "mess up."
As your child gets older, you should also know what to anticipate from them and modify your expectations accordingly. Many talented kids perform exceptionally well in elementary school before abruptly faltering in middle or high school. There are numerous valid explanations for this: Since your child is presumably accustomed to doing well in school with little work, the more challenging curriculum can cause her to feel unprepared and overwhelmed at first. Furthermore, societal issues may contribute to brilliant children's failure during adolescence. Undiagnosed learning problems can show up when homework gets harder as well. It's inevitable that you will have to adjust and accept setbacks with your child at times; trying to force things at these moments virtually never works well.
Lastly, you have to realize how important it is that your child be in charge of her long-term objectives. As sensitive as they are, gifted youngsters get disheartened and disillusioned easily if they feel like a puppet being forced to fulfill the expectations of their parents or teachers. Allowing your child to take charge of her own destiny and seeing you as her guide can help her develop resilience, self-assurance, and independence. Characteristics that usually lead to long-term success.
