A Guide to Middle School Survival for Parents of Talented Children
Most people agree that a child's middle school years are the most difficult transitioning years of their lives. Moving to a new school brings about rapid changes in hormone levels, social unrest, and an intense demand for independence that frequently results in stress at home. Young people need to start developing an adult sense of themselves in the midst of this chaos.
Even while none of the aforementioned processes are simple for kids, talented kids frequently face more significant challenges in middle school than non-gifted kids do. Especially difficult to negotiate throughout the "tween" years are their intense sensitivity, predisposition toward introversion, developmental disparities, and sharp moral compasses. Children who are gifted frequently struggle in one or more of the following areas:
– Fitting in: Talented kids are no different from the rest of middle schoolers in their desperation to fit in. This is the time in any gifted child's life when they feel the "differences" that come with being gifted. Children who are gifted are frequently torn between following their innate interests and preferences—such as a drive to excel academically or take up cerebral hobbies—and what their peers who are not brilliant think is socially acceptable. While some brilliant kids strive to "mask" who they are in order to fit in, others attempt to find a tiny but genuine niche among peers who share their interests.
– Motivation and accomplishment: Talented kids who try to hide their talent to fit in frequently downplay their intelligence and purposefully perform below expectations in school. During the middle school years, a talented child's motivation may also be hampered by other circumstances. For example, once high achievers may start to lose interest in their subjects since everything comes too easily to them. These kids get sidetracked and typically turn to the complex environment around them for excitement. Conversely, talented students with undiagnosed learning disabilities frequently have difficulties in middle school since their LDs cannot be made up for by the increasingly demanding coursework. This may result in irritation, disillusionment, and eventually apathy.
– Bullying: Gifted children are susceptible to bullying, just like any other kids whose thoughts or actions deviate from the norm. Furthermore, they are ill-prepared to deal with the kind of harsh school circumstances that foster bullying because of their heightened sensitivity and well-developed sense of justice. Gifted children who experience bullying frequently experience anxiety, depression, sleep difficulties, and low self-esteem, just like neurotypical children do.
– Forming an identity: Middle school is a wonderful period for self-discovery, even with the pressure to fit in that tweens face at school. By the time they are twelve years old, kids begin to identify and explore their opinions, hobbies, and preferences, and they begin to have a much stronger sense of who they are. As they develop their sense of self, gifted youngsters who don't want to be labeled as "nerds" or "smart kids" frequently face the following questions and conflicts: For instance, is it feasible to be intelligent and a "jock" at the same time? When you're gifted, is it OK to desire to fit in with the popular kids? etc.
– Increasing awareness of the outside world: As brilliant kids are so observant, they challenge established structures, procedures, and authority figures as soon as they see something that seems unjust or contradictory. Of course, this is a sign of healthy independence to some extent, but when they begin to question the world around them, a certain proportion of brilliant youngsters go through difficult personal awakenings and existential crises. They might reject cultural customs, religious beliefs, and family values, among other things. This transition process might result in feelings of rejection and loneliness for these kids if they are unable to find a community of like-minded classmates. Eventually, this can lead to anxiety and melancholy.
How to Support Your Talented Middle School Student's Success
Despite the additional difficulties talented kids encounter in middle school, there are many things parents can do to ensure their survival and even success:
1. Keep an eye out for indications that your youngster is having difficulties. Your youngster could definitely use some help (and possibly professional counselling) if he starts to lose interest in hobbies, eat or sleep considerably less, or isolate himself. Investigating a rapid fall in academic performance in-depth is also recommended. (First, consider the potential that your child may have an undetected learning impairment; don't automatically assume that they are underperforming on purpose.)
2. Engage in kind-hearted inquiry. Even while most teens and tweens are reluctant to talk about their feelings and rarely react well to direct, probing questions, well-timed, kind queries can reveal important details about your child's emotional state. Engaging your adolescent or tween in this manner while enjoying a favorite shared activity is advised by many parenting experts as it will make them feel less uncomfortable talking about their feelings.
3. Implement consistent, calm discipline and offer unbiased direction. Bringing up a bright child through middle school may be a very draining emotional journey for parents. While some parents wind up with extremely defiant children, many find themselves witnessing a once-excellent student descend into apathy. Some parents worry that they are unable to "reach" their child's sudden withdrawal because they feel powerless to shield them from the numerous challenges of growing up gifted.
Despite how challenging these years may be, parents of gifted children need to understand that their child needs a calm environment and boundaries now more than ever. Refrain from intensifying conflicts or penalties; if things get too heated between you and your child, leave the room and give yourself a "time out" before responding angrily with yelling, threats, or other outbursts. Additionally, you should try to avoid being controlling or judgmental with your child because this will probably make him rebel. After listening to your child and getting a sense of his needs and perspective, only then should you give counsel.
4. Seek assistance for yourself and your kid. For both parents and gifted children, support from friends and family as well as counseling can be quite beneficial. Similarly, interacting with other gifted kids might be beneficial for gifted kids as well. By doing this, you can help them feel less "different," which increases the likelihood that they will accept rather than reject who they are.
5. Demand the assistance your child requires. Don't just accept what's offered if your child's school doesn't have many opportunities for gifted students (i.e., gifted programs). Rather, you ought to aggressively promote improved gifted services. If at all possible, speak with the parents of other gifted students at your child's school to compile a list of instructional supports that your child can use. The principal and administration of the school can then receive the feedback they require in order to improve services.
Though middle school poses several difficulties for talented kids, with sufficient assistance and considerate parental direction, talented kids can emerge from the school with enhanced self-assurance and a more solidified understanding of who they are. Additionally, supporting your child through the challenges he encounters in middle school will strengthen your relationship and create a foundation of trust that will serve him well in the years to come.
