The Best Ways To Control Your Emotions And Improve As A Parent
It's simple to see the benefits of self-control while we're watching other people behave. The importance of emotional control is evident when we teach our kids to "take a deep breath" or "have a time out" when they're upset, for example. But occasionally, we fail to see that we actually require self-control techniques.
No matter how much happiness our children provide us, parenting is difficult and emotionally taxing job. A lot of parents often struggle with sleep deprivation and managing several responsibilities both at work and at home. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that feelings might get intense at times. It's simple to lose your cool and act instinctively when a child appears to be misbehaving "on purpose," for example, or when one child is cruelly treating another. Unfortunately, we frequently resort to more drastic measures during these annoying times than just slapping a pillow or telling our kids to shut up. A lot of parents name and judge their kids, and these labels stay on the kids. Kids believe us when we label them negatively (as in "lazy," "mean," "difficult," etc.). This not only makes individuals feel worse about themselves, but it also frequently takes away their will to behave differently. We stop attempting to get better when we don't think we can succeed at something.
Therefore, the ability of parents to properly manage their emotions is a major component of positive parenting. Keep in mind that "manage" does not imply "repress." We cannot and should not seek to suppress our emotions completely; in fact, doing so frequently results in more catastrophic outbursts. Rather, we need to learn how to identify our feelings before acting on them, accept them, and control them in a healthy way. Yes, it's difficult, but it's necessary to forge a solid relationship with your kids.
Recall: Children don't typically act out because they wish to cause trouble. The majority of the time, "bad" behavior results from their discomfort (and poor emotional regulation). Therefore, rather than blaming us when they act out, youngsters need our help. Here are some strategies to make sure your feelings don't overcome you:
1. Refrain from criticizing your own emotions.
Naturally, the first step in not judging your child is to not judge yourself. Even if they manage not to voice their negative thoughts about their children, many parents become entangled in a web of guilt for even considering them. They frequently overcompensate with tolerance as a result of this guilt, which eventually makes them angry and easily agitated.
Sit with bad ideas and emotions for a while without assigning labels, as opposed to attempting to push them away. Consider the following: Are you embarrassed that your child threw a tantrum in front of others? If yes, ask yourself why you are so upset with her behavior. Are you concerned that the fact she is making fun of her brother will indicate she won't be a nice person in the future? Whatever your worries are, they're most likely based on sound reasoning. And by admitting them, you can determine the most effective way to deal with your concerns. In the end, this is best for your child and you. Remaining silent allows you to more skillfully come up with alternatives that will make you and your child feel happier and more at ease. Additionally, you'll break free from the "remorse cycle" that so many parents experience. (That is, threatening to punish your child severely only to then retract your threats and lavish them with gifts as an expression of regret. A procedure that is undoubtedly a guaranteed way to erode your self-control.)
2. Recognize when to "flip" out of a stressful circumstance.
When very young children make unreasonable requests, for instance, they frequently don't realize that what they are doing is "wrong." (Examples include making them wait to eat until you immediately wash their favorite red bowl.) As a matter of fact, the majority of the time, this type of behavior stems from an unspoken or improperly identified distress or anxiety. Stop and "flip" your response to something good (such giving your child a big hug or diverting her attention with something amusing) instead of reacting angrily and frustrated. You might be able to diffuse the issue this way. Additionally, you'll probably be able to calm both your child's and your own emotions.
Be aware that following the aforementioned guidelines does not entail giving in to your child's every desire. You're merely making this a pleasant diversion for both of you; she should still be expected to pay attention to you and follow the guidelines.
3. When necessary, take a "time out."
The notion that you must always be "on" is one of the most taxing aspects of being a parent. Like everyone else, parents require periodic breaks from having to maintain control and act like the bigger person. That's alright, too. Put your child in a playpen or ask your partner to watch him if you feel like you're about to blow up, and take some time for yourself to collect yourself. This will not only prevent you from saying cruel things to your child, but it will also show them how to handle their emotions appropriately. You may be confident that he will observe you and take inspiration from your behavior.
After you've cooled down, if you're still having trouble coming up with a suitable reaction to the circumstance, ask for assistance. You may help yourself see the problem objectively and come up with a solution that supports your child while also holding him accountable by having a conversation with your partner or another parent. In the end, you want your child to understand that you are available to support him, but you also need to establish clear guidelines and limits. This will not only reward good behavior, but it also gives your child the security they need.
It usually takes time to learn how to control your emotions, and a lot of "trial and error" is involved. But if you put in the effort, you'll acquire lifelong talents that will be useful. Additionally, you'll be providing your child with the resources they need to develop into a responsible, healthy adult.
