A Handbook of Authoritative Parenting: Firm Yet Fair
Parents have disagreed for decades over the optimal method of raising children: should they be severe disciplinarians or should they let their kids figure out their own lessons on their own? Is it true that overly permissive parenting actually promotes youngsters to act out wildly, or does authoritarian parenting breed rebellion?
You'll be relieved to hear that there is a reasonable middle ground if you find yourself caught in the center of this argument and unsure of how to move on. One parenting approach has dominated the other diametrically opposed trends and obsessions since the mid-1960s: Authoritative upbringing. When we talked about autonomy supportive parenting a few months ago, you might be shocked to hear that it functions best in conjunction with authoritative parenting. Numerous studies demonstrate that authoritative parenting is effective for a broad range of families, irrespective of their educational attainment, financial bracket, ethnic background, or structural dynamics. Additionally, it usually results in kids that are self-assured, inquisitive, socially adept, imaginative, decisive, and driven.
The key to authoritative parenting is balance. It mostly depends on striking a balance between controlled, consistent discipline along with fair expectations (demandingness) and unconditional love and warmth (responsiveness). While acknowledging the necessity of punishment and consequences, authoritative parenting views them as a last resort. When their child's safety or wellbeing is in jeopardy, authoritative parents set restrictions rather than using their power for its own purpose. Furthermore, rather than being alarmed by their child's timid moves toward independence, they praise them. They are aware that their role is to securely assist their child in achieving full autonomy as adults.
Parenting: Authoritative vs. Authoritarian
The degree to which control is prioritized sets authoritative parenting apart from authoritarian parenting. Parents that adopt an authoritarian style are too focused on managing their children's conduct. An authoritarian mother would be the one to make her child wear only what she wants at family get-togethers. She is denying her child the chance to securely start experimenting with independence by having him comply with her requests. She's also not showing the child enough affection; the child might be rejecting her outfit choices for valid reasons, including physical pain. This mother sends the message that she doesn't give a damn about her child's needs, wishes, or feelings when she doesn't listen to him.
Parents that are authoritarians have a dominant manner and prioritize obedience over acceptable self-expression. This often deprives a child of confidence, self-esteem, and intellectual curiosity in addition to stifling his independence. Sometimes it can result in big, destructive acts of rebellion down the road; by the time these repressed kids are teenagers, they've naturally had enough.
Conversely, authoritative parents set acceptable standards for their kids to meet, such as keeping up respectable grades and helping out around the house. Outside of those parameters, they typically give their kids a lot of freedom and only truly "lay down the law" in situations when there is a danger to their safety or the safety of others. Moreover, parents attempt to ascertain the reason behind their child's true difficulty in meeting expectations instead of enforcing discipline right away. Although their primary roles are that of guides, helpers, and supporters, they are also capable of setting reasonable boundaries.
Parenting Styles: Authoritative vs. Indulgent
Authoritarian parents are the complete opposite of indulgent parents in that they never exercise control since they believe that love is the only solution to all issues. They give their kids a lot of freedom that occasionally goes beyond what is sensible and have little to no expectations for them. They don't provide their kids boundaries to follow or ambitions to strive toward, in contrast to authoritative parents. Children feel disoriented and uncontrollable as a result of this severe lack of direction.
Moreover, the practical application of this utopian parenting style is limited. For example, there is still homework to be completed and rooms to be cleaned. Therefore, by virtue of their parenting style, indulgent parents are compelled to make up for the gaps. They wind up doing all of their child's tasks, cleaning his room, doing his homework, etc. As a result, they paradoxically rob their child of independence, just as authoritarian parents frequently do. Their youngster never learns how to be self-sufficient because they take care of everything for him.
In addition to undermining a child's self-worth and confidence, indulgent parents frequently leave their kids in need of genuine direction. As a result, they are highly susceptible to peer pressure and usually lack leadership qualities in later life.
The Key To Authoritative Parenting's Success
Because it addresses the core elements of the parent-child relationship—protective nurturing and the progressive transfer of knowledge and experience—authoritative parenting is successful. In addition to giving their kids the tools they need to succeed, authoritative parents explain to their kids why doing things a specific way is important. Authoritative parenting also fosters individual expression and creative thinking by giving kids ample leeway to choose their own routes to success. It takes full advantage of one of the most potent human abilities, communication, to educate both parents and children about their children and the world around them.
Naturally, striking a balance in authoritative parenting is difficult. It requires parents to exercise a tremendous degree of self-control and to be willing to intentionally, patiently, and consistently adjust to their child's temperament and developmental stage. Nevertheless, the advantages are substantial for both the parent and the child. In the same way that authoritative parenting encourages kids to be their best selves, it also pushes adults to follow suit. Establishing a foundation of trust and nourishment for a lifelong relationship, authoritative parenting allows you to develop with your child.
