Knowing How Much Anger Is Too Much in Children?

Childhood tantrums are an unavoidable part of it. Little setbacks might appear catastrophic to youngsters because they lack the perspective that comes with years of experience. Furthermore, young children—those under the ages of seven or eight—still lack the social graces and impulse control necessary to regularly refrain from overt, inappropriate outbursts of anger.

As they grow older, most kids learn to regulate their temper, but other kids have a really hard time doing so. When this happens, the unusual behavior usually has an underlying cause.

When To Be Concerned About Your Child's Fury

It can be difficult for parents to determine when their children's outbursts of rage have crossed the line into becoming "abnormal" and hence troublesome. There are never precise guidelines for how much rage is too much—after all, each child is an individual. But even if only a mental health expert can confirm whether your child's anger is an indication of something else, there are a few telltale signs of "atypical anger" that you should be aware of:

• Even when your child is older than eight, they still frequently have violent temper tantrums. These outbursts might even happen in public settings.
• The severity of your child's tantrums puts him or others in risk.
• Teachers at your child's school have reported that he is frequently unruly. They believe that given his age, his outbursts of rage are abnormal.
• Your child's challenging behavior makes it tough for him to make and keep friends.
• Your home life is severely disrupted by your child's outbursts.
• Your youngster feels self-conscious because he is aware that his actions are abnormal for a child of his age. (Take note that this frequently results in low self-esteem, which might encourage more acting out.)

What Leads to Children's Inappropriate Anger?

A child's propensity to turn aggressive fast is frequently situational: A child may act out of fear and distress toward others if he has experienced trauma, for example, or is going through a difficult event, like his parents separating. Make sure your child gets counseling if he has gone through or is going through a trying period so he can deal with his emotions in a healthy way.

Sometimes, though, a child's persistent hostility has no apparent cause. In some situations, the abnormal rage in the youngster could have a biological explanation, like:

• ADHD: More than half of kids with ADHD act defiantly and frequently lose their temper. Many factors contribute to this increased aggression, such as impulsivity, trouble transitioning between tasks, and difficulty finishing tasks, which can result in frustration and low self-esteem. Parents need to know that in many cases, these behavioral symptoms are so severe in certain children that, ironically, the child's ADHD is missed because everyone else—parents, teachers, counselors, etc.—is so preoccupied with what they perceive to be the child's main problem: aggression. It's important to look into the potential that your child's hyperactivity and impulsivity, along with their violent behavior, could be caused by ADHD.

• Anxiety: Fear is the only thing that can set off our "fight or flight" response. Therefore, it makes sense that some kids who exhibit persistent anger or defiance are actually suffering from significant anxiety, which they are frantically attempting to hide by acting aggressively. These kids frequently act out when they experience stress, pressure, or criticism.

• An unidentified learning disability: Children with untreated learning impairments frequently experience intense frustration and embarrassment over their struggles, even though many common learning disorders (like dyslexia) do not directly affect levels of aggression. This may result in rebellious behavior, especially in the classroom, and violent outbursts

• Autism: For many kids on the spectrum, having periodic "meltdowns" is a given. For example, abrupt changes in routine might cause autistic children to become very anxious and angry, which can lead to a temper tantrum. Furthermore, a lot of kids on the autism spectrum struggle with sensory processing, which makes them easily overwhelmed by stimuli. Even seemingly insignificant annoyances like bright lights, "itchy" clothing, and loud surroundings can cause extreme anxiety or discomfort in children with autism. The child will ultimately have a meltdown if the upsetting stimuli are not eliminated.

How to Assist Your Child in Controlling His Fury

Nothing could be further from the truth, despite the fact that parents of children who are frequently furious may feel powerless to stop the outbursts. There are several strategies you can employ to assist your child in controlling his anger, regardless of what is triggering his angry behavior:

• Determine the things that irritate your child and devise a strategy. Excessive rage is never random, even though it may appear so. Actually, there's a good chance that your child's hostility is brought on by something, and if you observe patterns in his behavior, you'll be able to identify his triggers. Does your child exhibit increased behavior at school or, for example, when he has homework to complete? If so, a learning disability might be the cause.

Once you understand what's causing your child to have tantrums, you may devise a strategy to handle the situation: Speak with your child's teacher about setting up time outs when necessary if your youngster feels intimidated or overburdened in class. If your child has trouble processing sensory information, devise a strategy to reduce triggering events. And so forth. Additionally, you should teach your child general self-soothing skills like taking slow breaths, closing his eyes and counting, and withdrawing to the closest calm, private place to unwind.

• Adopt a consistent parenting style. Children with persistent aggressiveness require calm, consistent direction and discipline, but all children require solid boundaries and clear expectations. Sensible limits provide the world defined, predictable parameters that help young kids feel safe, rather than punishing them to keep them "in line."

If you're experiencing problems enforcing discipline, you might want to consult a mental health specialist. He or she may put you in touch with resources that can teach you how to constructively reward good behavior, such as Parent Management Training and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy.

• Acquire the ability to endure it. While it's common to wish you could talk sense into your child's head and help him cool down in the middle of a tantrum, this is typically not feasible because your child's brain is still in "fight or flight" mode and will not listen to reason. Attempting to engage your youngster in conversation during a tantrum will only make matters worse. Rather, wait for the storm to pass in peace and quiet, and then attempt talking to your child about what happened.

Even though controlling furious outbursts is a lifelong task, your child has a far better chance of controlling his anger if you provide him the resources he needs to succeed from an early age. Just keep in mind that you shouldn't attempt to "change" your child: Yes, assist him in developing acceptable behavior, but also let him know that you value and accept him for who he is. No matter where he is in his growth, this will maintain his optimistic outlook and good sense of self-worth.